Freewrite - Not Yourself

Dead of love, dead of night,
Candles in our sleep, passion's alight.
And everything's still and silent,
As I crush my lips against your scent.
We think we know love, and that they lie,
What we think we know will break us - make us cry.
And you never tell the truth, to anyone,
Because you're only open to a someone.

And that's not even yourself.

150 Stupidly Random Facts About Me

1. My name is Wynn.
2. As of the seventeenth of July, I am 15.63 years, 187.55 months, and 5707.75 days old.
3. More than anything I am fascinated by Russian culture.
4. I need more than 10 hours of sleep to function. Most times I don't get more than six.
5. I do not have a religion that I am active in. I don't necessarily believe in God, but I don’t not believe in him either. I was raised Christian.
6. I have two horses named Marshal and Kirby. Also a dog named Tinker. And a little brother.
7. I’m allergic to apples.
8. I don’t mind reading, writing, or talking about sex, but I don’t like looking at nudity in any form.
9. I have a body pillow that I sleep on at night that is not my own.
10. I have a fiancé whom I love dearly.
11. My life is cluttered with moments of impending doom.
12. I have never smoked, drank, or done drugs. However I had many nightmares where I have, despite the fact that I didn’t want to and died. SO. It’s a sure bet I never will.
13. I’m the lightest kid in my high school; not just my class.
14. My hair is naturally strait, strawberry blond, and I currently have it cut to my chin. It’s usually parted to one side and swept forward to cover one side of my face.
15. Because I’m such an emo kid. (Not really.)
16. I drink caffeine all the time, usually as a way to make be feel better. However, the up I get from it doesn’t really hit until 10 at night. Afterwards, I usually go into a fit of paranoia and anxiety.
17. I have been told that I should go into modeling.
18. I WILL NOT ride a horse in a western saddle; if I had to I’d rather ride bareback.
19. It annoys me when someone tells me I should become a tattoo artist.
20. I kiss girls. All the time.
21. My heart was run through a sausage grinder once.
22. I am actually relatively shy.
23. I get car sick, usually on long drives.
24. I’m cold almost all of the time.
25. I have a ton of freckles. But only one that I wish would disappear.
26. I have Asperger’s Syndrome, also known as High-level autism.
27. I am a size 0-1 in pants. A size small in shirts. I barely fit into Juniors clothing.
28. I gave up on having a favorite colour. Instead I have favorite colour pallets.
29. I would rather draw on paper or in a Paint Chat/Oekaki than draw in Photoshop.
30. I hate the colour yellow because I cannot see it.
31. I cry during fire drills because of the noise.
32. I don’t like being in rooms with too many windows at night. I’m afraid something scary will press its face against it.
33. I get insanely jealous if someone even looks at my fiancé.
34. I usually sleep on my stomach, or in the fetal position.
35. I cannot sleep on my back unless I have someone laying on top of me; it just doesn’t feel safe.
36. I only eat one thing at once. So if I had a plate with a roll, steak, green beans, and mashed potatoes on it, I would eat only the green beans and once they were gone move onto something else.
37. I cannot analyze something that I have read.
38. I love being kissed. Primarily on my lips, cheeks and neck.
39. I tend not to take a stand on politics, not saying that I know nothing about them.
40. I admit to being a pervert. I can make just about any comment into something suggestive.
41. I try to be a tomboy, but I fail.
42. When with my friends, we all call each other by our screen names.
43. I usually like to wear Hot Topic type clothing.
44. I will only eat chocolate pudding.
45. I hate soft-serve. It’s not ice cream. It will never BE ice cream. That means both McDonalds and Dairy Queen don’t have ice cream. It’s a conspiracy.
46. I’m afraid of men.
47. I love how I try to hide the fact that I’m in love with someone of the same gender and everyone knows. Scratch that. I hate it.
48. I’ve had dreams where I’ve been raped.
49. And cried about them after I woke up.
50. I won’t drink Aquafina or Dasani. They both taste nasty.
51. I have several scars. Most of which weren’t accidents.
52. Whenever it seems like something goes bad, no matter what, it’s my fault.
53. I planned to run away, I only stopped because things seemed to get better.
54. I won’t eat an Oreo unless it has been dipped in milk until it’s mushy.
55. I enjoy physics. It’s the small bit of math I can understand.
56. I like watching medical shows on TV, even if they scare me.
57. I prefer to eat things cut into small pieces.
58. For months now, my fiancé has talked me to sleep and is the first voice I hear in the morning. Every. Single. Day.
59. I have a teddy bear bigger than I am. I’m 5’ 2”. His name is Buster.
60. I used to sleep with him until my neck couldn’t take it anymore.
61. I have a tendency to light things on fire when in the kitchen.
62. I live Law and Order more than anyone will ever know.
63. For a long time I limited my eating so I wouldn’t gain weight.
64. When I grow up, I either want to be a fashion designer or a graphic artist.
65. I actually believed that vampires lived in my closet until I was nine.
66. When I’m at the library, I usually end up putting books away.
67. I’m very clingy. I hug everyone. Snuggle everyone.
68. I cannot read a map to save my life.
69. My mother has helped me on several projects. More than is probably allowed.
70. I can say that I’m not really attracted to anyone who isn’t my fiancé.
71. I act like I’m eight most of the time.
72. I love when my fiancé talks about wanting to take away my innocence.
73. I think even after that, I’d still act like a kid.
74. I hate taking baths because no matter what I do, some part of me has to be above the water, and it makes me cold.
75. I have always wanted to be a dancer.
76. I lie a lot. Mostly to my parents.
77. I have no musical talents what so ever, unless DDR counts for anything.
78. I love DDR.
79. I got a 253 combo once.
80. I love Bella and Edward.
81. I love it when people treat me like a child. When they ruffle my hair, and carry me around.
82. I have an IQ over 160.
83. I obsess over the element Mercury.
84. I ride one of the special education busses to school. Unfortunately, I seem to keep it from going to hell. So I can be a child and a mother.
85. I HATE those gourmet lollypops they make me sick.
86. A lot of foods make me sick. Like pizza.
87. I don’t mind people seeing me cry.
88. I’m afraid of crowds.
89. I love mint flavored things.
90. I want another hamster. I’ve only had seven of them before.
91. My first kiss was with a girl.
92. If a lot of you hate me for that, I’m not sorry. I’m not sorry either if you don’t care.
93. I want to take some really nice photographs some day.
94. I cannot play sports for medical reasons.
95. I love sleeping in satin or large button down shirts.
96. My eyes are hazel, but my fiancé calls them orange.
97. The glass will always be half empty.
98. I dislike songs with no words. Or words you cannot understand – like rap.
99. I burn. So I glow in the dark year-round.
100. I annoy my class mates because I never state anything simply.
101. I love wearing boy’s clothes.
102. I swear a lot. Just not around my parents. And not really when I write either.
103. The main story that I’ve been writing recently contains mostly same-gender relationships.
104. I like rain a lot.
105. I cannot go to horror movies. Or even those with horror elements without getting nightmares.
106. I spent years avoiding my father because he always seemed to yell.
107. I have never moved.
108. Most of the time I wish the characters in my head existed. I’m sure if they did life, for the most part, would be better.
109. I tend to yell when I cry.
110. I’m physically unable to “cry pretty”.
111. I should wear glasses but I don’t.
112. I hate doctors.
113. But I love my dentist.
114. Because they don’t try to stick needles in you.
115. I have short bursts where I want to have a baby.
116. But it would have to be a girl.
117. And then I realize I hate kids.
118. I wouldn’t mind living in an apartment my whole life.
119. Not matter how hard I try I cannot keep my room clean.
120. Most of the things I sleep with aren’t my own.
121. My mom tells me that I take critics too personally.
122. She doesn’t know that she’s the one who made me this way.
123. All I was ever told as a child was that I wasn’t good enough.
124. My ex told me the same thing when he dumped me.
125. Now you know why I plotted to kill myself.
126. If my fiancé hadn’t stepped in, I probably would have.
127. I don’t date. I don’t crush. I fall in love and give them everything I have.
128. My heart probably resembles a mosaic vase.
129. I cannot sleep with any blanket. They have to have some weight or I don’t feel safe.
130. I would rather wear my pajamas all day than anything else.
131. I slept with my baby blanket up until age 12.
132. I probably still would, if I hadn’t lost it.
133. I prefer raspberries to any type of fruit.
134. Only the skin of nectarines tastes good.
135. I hate it when people try to compare themselves to me.
136. Don’t they know that I’m not even worth a teaspoon of dirt?
137. I love going to movies, they’re prime snuggle time.
138. I wish that our school would have a ‘masquerade ball’–type dance.
139. I hate winter.
140. My favorite smell is vanilla. And raspberry.
141. I will never drink coffee again.
142. Except if it’s that sweet, iced type stuff.
143. Chocolate makes everything better.
144. I literally crave caffeine sometimes.
145. Cats don’t like me. And if they do, I don’t like them.
146. I’m a total dog person.
147. I want a top had more than you can ever imagine.
148. I can’t even operate a spoon with my left hand.
149. I cannot swim.
150. And I officially love you if you read all that.

Like Snowflakes - This is the First of Many

It's morning here, about... 9:30ish. I woke up about three hours ago. But you know, my baby's still asleep. Well, truth in point is, I woke her up and she asked me to go back to sleep. So I let her go, told her to call me when she woke up. So. I'm here. On the computer waking for the beloved sleepy head to smell the coffee and open her eyes.

***

It's about 12:30 now, Sleepy woke up and she's getting ready to go to Rehersals. My little actress. I love her. Anyway, so the Best Buy opened up down the street. Me and my father went to go check it out. It's pretty rad inside. So, I'm getting one of those new 4GB Silver iPod Nanos. Can you say hot? YES. I. CAN. It's awesome.

***

So anyway, Since this is the very first post of anything, ever I suppose that I should probably introduce myself. Well. Screw that. I'll do that in the next one.

Much love,
~Kisses.